I Believe

Written 10/20/20 at 9:13pm

Time and time again, I plead to my heart,
Wishing it wasn’t the dramatic bitter end.
Nothing left amongst the broken foundation
To ever make real amends.
Once the bond of trust was shattered for us,
It all became more reminiscent of a musty old college T-shirt
With remnants of a scent now missed,
Only special enough to be remembered by us.

I was pissed upon the initial realization of it all!
The resounding feeling of how small it truly made me feel.
The harshness of what I’d endured thinking that I could just love it all away,
Or, at least, back to the false sense of normality from the beginning.
Despite this, never once going astray from what I felt love truly should be.
Maybe it was me.
After all, I could see it hadn’t been easy
To live with another monster.

There was more than one to constantly battle.
Entire physical beings unfairly rattled by the sheer brute force
Of the seething jealousy and hatred that loomed around every corner.
Always cornered.
It was definitely time for a change.
That was the one remaining inevitable fact hiding
Under the masses of stringed emotional destruction.
Respect boundaries had long come down.

All around, the air was thick with stressful tension
To the point where even a mention of something that bothered another
Was immediately declared open season as if we were
Brawling brothers instead of long time lovers.
Bawling under covers wasn’t something I wanted or planned to
Spend the rest of my life doing.
The only ruling planet that could ever control me was me.
Destiny makes me capable.
The journey makes it doable.
Freedom makes it invaluable.
I believe.